Even When I Look Fine

EVEN WHEN I LOOK FINE

I have a chronic illness, so you know what that means
The truth is not always as apparent as it seems.


Though I may look fine, that's not necessarily how I feel.
And looking fine doesn't make my illness any less real.


I know they mean well when people look at me and say,
Boy you look great! You don't look at all sick today.


Even though they don't say it, this is what I hear,
You look fine so get over it and kick into gear.


I smile and say Thank you, but I think in my head,
I ache and I'm tired. I wish I were in bed.


Not yet. I've got a full day of decisions to make.
What all can I do and how much energy will it take?


Each day I plan ahead and I must choose and pick
And limit my activities so I don't get more sick.


I've learned when to admit that enough is enough.
When to give in and rest and not be so tough.


I can no longer afford to take daily living for granted.
I sew my seeds carefully then reap what I planted.


Yes, I have a chronic illness, but it doesn't have me.
In many ways it is a blessing that has helped me to see


Each wonder of life in a whole new way-
As something to savor on the next rainy day.


For this insight I am thankful to this illness of mine.
Now I know it's OK to feel sick even when I look fine.


By Lisa W. Sterling